BAND OF ANGELS

Dorothy treated me yesterday to an hour-long facial at the Dove Spa on Iroquois Shore, and I'm ready to move in full-time. Of course, I'd never be able to move from the bed.
It was such a wonderful experience and I thank her profusely again for allowing me to have that pleasure. It was angelic. 0
I was so relaxed that it was a real challenge just to leave. My face still feels smooth and creamy. It shouldn't, of course, because I should have been in the pool today, but the past two nights have been very hard for sleep.
I had less than two hours Monday night, and couldn't fall asleep till 4:30 this morning, with the alarm going off only two hours later.
I had a sinus headache and assumed the humidity was moving in, so I took a Tylenol for the pain and went back to bed. By the time I woke up, it was past noon and I needed to take my meds and have something to eat. My left sinus is still aching enough that the top of my gum there is sore, too. Anyway, I decided to forgo the swim today and go tomorrow.
I also have an 8:30 a.m. appointment with my psychiatrist at the hospital, then we have an appointment with our banking official at 10. I'm going to wear my bathing suit under my dress and take my swim bag along so Andy can drop me at the pool in case we don't have time for a quick stop at home.
That will give me longer to swim: I had my best time with these knees for 1k on Monday, doing it in exactly 60 minutes, shaving two off my previous best. I'll have a little more time to swim if I'm there before the pool opens, so I can exercise longer and do more lengths. I prefer to add lengths rather than set speed marks at this point, because the endurance helps the knee muscles the most. After I can swim the full two hours -- right now I have to get out 20 minutes early to get Nat from her summer course -- I will work on speed, but without sacrificing my knees in the process. And every bit of weight that comes off helps with everything else.
I'm feeling pretty fine these days, and I owe it all to my bandsters!
Andy and I went to see the new Harry Potter movie on Saturday, and I didn't have the seat arms cutting into my body. It's all the little things that I notice -- others see the overall effect of body size.
Every little change for the better makes me feel good about myself, and, more important, even more grateful to others. I'm looking forward to the day when I can begin helping others again, too.
I'll post Friday, after the weigh-in. See you then!

The photos on the left side were taken by Lis on surgery day March 27 (down 13.5 pounds from 347 to 332.5), and the ones on the right side were taken June 10, with another 37 pounds gone (down 50.5 over all to 295.5). I think we'll keep to the same time frame, with new pix every three months, so the next ones will be in late September.

Finally, the scale moved downward this past week. I had gained a pound by last Friday, putting me at 58 pounds lost in 17 weeks. This time, I am down six pounds, for a grand total of 64 to 283 after 18 weeks!!! Only three pounds away from my mini-goal of 10 (I aim for 10 lbs at a time; thus, 290, 280 and so on.
Andy's going to upload pix by Lis on this post this weekend, two from the day of the surgery (March 27) and two from June 10. I'm proud to say that both are now out of date!
I've been swimming a fair bit -- every day if I have the van and it's not a Dorothy day. Yesterday, I did 40 lengths (1 km) in 62 minutes. I did 30 lengths the day before and was adding two more each time, but something got into me and because I didn't have to rush, I decided to go for the full distance. My legs were tired, but I did an extended cooldown and some stretching in the water after, and they felt okay.
Andy and I even went out for a bit in the evening and I was not sore unless I had been sitting for a while. This morning, the knees are aching, but nothing I can't handle.
Later, Dorothy is coming to put me through my paces with weights and bands and tubes, so I get some muscle work and added flexibility. I credit her with so much of my success to date.
As for family news, Chris got back from Europe in the late afternoon yesterday, considerably thinner, well tanned and weary. He said the trip was "a blast" and that he and his two buds would have liked more time (they had almost four weeks).
I thought maybe his new physique would mean he would not eat as much, but he said he wanted (and needs, really) to regain the weight, so it looks like it's a mega-trip to the grocery store today and probably every day. Groan. I don't know if the budget will handle this.
Stay tuned for the pix, and have a serene weekend.
xo

I was certain that, with all the swimming I did this week (I did 28 lengths in 42 minutes on Thursday) and with five days of good exercise in seven, I would have lost a ton of weight. Well, not a real ton, but at least two or three measley pounds.
But no; I stepped on the scale and there it was -- a pound higher than last week. I tried it again -- same result. And yet my clothes had seemed looser, so I'm trying to make myself believe I've added denser muscle mass and have lost inches instead of pounds. I haven't eaten anything bad for me and I haven't eaten more than any other week.
I figure my metabolism must be okay, too. However, I did remove myself from my three diabetes meds to see how my glucose would be. Each morning, it's been around 6.6, which is higher than I'd like but still falls in the 4-7 ideal range.
So I'm trying hard not to feel morose; I had badly wanted to reach 60 pounds lost and instead I'm at 58 from 59.
I am going to book another fill for this month -- I had planned to anyway -- because I don't feel I've hit my sweet spot yet. We'll see how next week goes. I'm not swimming full out; I really can't with these knees, but I'm adding two lengths each day till I reach 40, which is 1k. Then I can worry about pushing a bit to chop time. I can't swim the entire two hours because I need to be there for Nat when she's finished math each day at 1:30.
If Andy rides his bike to work over around the Third Line, then we have the van and she can practice driving to school and back. Thank heavens she is done at the end of July! Then I can go the full two hours if I want.
Anyway, let's hope there's an impressive drop next week. At least my legs are getting a workout with some extra walking going in and out of the rec centre and then to the dressing room and out to the pool and back. In fact, I've had a little soreness in my lower back, but that's from swimming, too, and it's a low-level ache rather than pain, and it disappears after I've sat for a while.

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And now, I need a little bit of advice/help. Andy and I will be celebrating our 30th anniversary (Aug. 25) and I want to go away for the final weekend of the month, just to stay in a nice hotel from Friday night till Sunday.
We will need to rent a car because we'll leave the kids with the van so they can take the dogs to the leash free or the woods, plus do errands and get Nat to work.
I planned our 25th as a surprise -- spending 10 days in Vancouver and Victoria. All Andy had to do was pack. So, this time, it's his turn. We're both at the age where we prefer creature comforts to backpacks and hostels!! What I need is for anyone with any advice on a good hotel (I'm willing to travel as far as Niagara, but I think Toronto will give me more choice in terms of my food choices), maybe one that has a weekend getaway or romance package. Our funds are limited, but I should have a bit of tax money by then. And I'm willing to pay for concierge parking because I know most hotels don't offer it for free. I'd like a place that has non-smoking rooms, a king bed, a separate shower, AC, a small fridge/microwave/toaster (not a full kitchen)and a comfortable seating area. Access in the room to wireless Internet would be great, and I know most Toronto hotels offer that with no charge. Oh, and all-suite hotels are great, too. Often they compare favourably with the price of one room, and they seem to be the big trend.
What I really need is for someone to email Andy with any picks of their own, or notions as to how to book the room -- price.com, expedia and so on. I don't know which has better deals and actually delivers on them; we had a bad experience with one hotel in Niagara Falls a couple of years ago, where the room needed repair and the things we thought came with the room didn't -- and it cost us a lot of extra money to have them. We could bring our own toaster, if it comes to that, but having a fridge in case I need to keep some of my food in it is necessary, and the microwave is good for heating anything I might need.
I'd like a good hotel as opposed to a two- or three-star. There are some fairly inexpensive restaurants downtown and so we'd be able to find the right places for me to eat. Continental breakfasts offer nothing that I can eat; it's mainly bread products and cereal, plus tons of sugar. However, if the hotel has a breakfast buffet or a restaurant that serves breakfast, that's great.
And we'd be near the World's Biggest Bookstore, which is a major draw for both of us. The only thing is all the standing for me; but maybe they have chairs now, or a bench. Andy will head off to poetry; I'll be in the mystery section.
And if you don't know of anything offhand but know someone who might, could you have them get in touch with Andy at aking10@cogeco.ca?
We have to book really soon because it's the weekend before school starts this year.
So, local and world travellers, let Andy know what you know or have heard of. We should be able to afford a nice weekend and a lovely hotel with a small rental car. There's no need for a van for this because we're escaping all the kids, furry or not!
As long as my walker will go in the back seat, we're set. I may even take the wheelchair just in case we do end up at the bookstore. In the old days, I'd also spend an hour or two in Sam's, but that's disappeared along with so many other things, alas.
In the meantime, thanks in advance for any advice. I really appreciate it. Andy will need all the help he can get.

I got right back into the pond today, with my 4.0 goggles on, and I could see! Goggles go up in 0.50 points, so if you are a 3.75, you should wear a 3.50, according to my optometrist. Better a little on the low side than going higher.
However, my eyes are not both 4s any more; I might be a 4 in one and a 3.75 in the other. But my 3.50s were so scratched and the coating was all gone, so I just pitched them Friday. They were really useless in the pool.
I have to get a new prescription for glucose strips -- my old strips expired two weeks ago and so cannot be used, and that was the end of my 1,000-strip 'script.
I'm hoping the nurse can just phone this in -- it seems a waste to go to the doctor's just for this. I've taken myself off all my diabetes meds, rather a pre-emptive move, I know, but I want to see how the readings are with just the meal plan and exercise. So, I was off one med to start, and now I've dropped the other three.
If my glucose level seems stable and stays in a low range, I'll go to my optometrist and see if I can figure out what I need in glasses. Because everything is linked, I have to do everything in a certain order.
I'm staying on anti-depressants and my two BP meds. I also take an anti-cholesterol med, although my cholesterol readings are superb, but having diabetes makes you liklier to have a stroke or heart attack than the national average, so this actually puts me below the average and is a way to really minimize any risk.
Oh, and as for the pool, I did 24 lengths today in 37 minutes. My goal is to do more in 37 minutes till I'm able to do 24 in 30, which is fairly respectable. I haven't done any powering up, just a slow first two lengths and then a cooldown. I'm not risking the knees with an Olympic-style frog kick till I have new knees, or the medical industry can grow new cartilage, whichever comes first.
Unfortunately, the Ridge is closed for cleaning in September, so if you find me swimming in your pool that month, I'm just trying to keep my swimming muscles oiled so I don't have to start from scratch. So keep those pools open! Cold water doesn't bother me! Remember, I come with my own blubber.
Tomorrow is at-home shower day and then Dorothy, so her routine will work out any kinks and aches, and there are bound to be some. Her copyrighted slogan is, "If you don't feel sore, do two more." Well, I doubled the two and did 24 instead of 22. I won't be able to complain; I'll just suck it up and breathe as my arms shake like crazy with the weights!

Glg, Glg. That's frog for greetings! I am still on my lily pad today because all my muscles -- well, not all: my tongue probably could go on long after I'm dead -- are a mite sore. I even discovered as I twisted in my computer chair that some other parts are feeling a twinge or two.
However, it's the knees that ache somewhat, and so I'm giving them one day (I'm now looking at them severely) of relative rest. Tomorrow, all parts of the frog go back in the pool. And it will be a rush to get there.
The people are coming to see our mattress at 11:15, Nat has to be at work by 11 and Andy's got to be home with the van by 10:40. I want to be at the pool no later than 12:15.
So, if you see him slinking from church before the service is over, don't stop him. He's on a tight timetable so we hopefully can get the bed out and he then can drop me at the pool. I'll send him home to eat (he'll be feeling faint by then) and he can pick me up when he's done. Having only one vehicle makes us be creative in our scheduling. But it saves on gas and insurance.
BTW, in case some people don't know, I compare myself to a frog because a) I've always loved them, even before Kermit came along 2)the frog swims the breaststroke, with the kick being the real power and 3) because of the previous, I have a swimming frog tattooed on my right inner arm below the elbow. In the same place on my left arm, I have an all-blue maple leaf, with a red line about a quarter-inch away from the edge of it that follows the leaf's outline, thus making it a maple leaf for Canada to go with the blue leaf that's for my NHL honeys.
Until I worked in sports at the Globe, no one before 1976 had ever referred to a team as "honeys" before. And no one has since. Only people from the "old days" at the Globe know the secret phrases and code words we used to refer to funny incidents or anecdotes. Who has time to even talk to colleagues any more? It's just put your head down, work like a fiend till you think you've had a major breakdown and then go home for a few hours of restless sleep and come back and do it all over again. So much burnout. So many people on anti-anxiety meds, antidepressants, alcohol and junk food. So many relationships lost at home. So much physical damage done by so much stress. So many micro-managers who don't know their --- from a teakettle, as one of my anonymous relatives loves to say.
Say a prayer for all the people who must work like that, and for those who are out of a job or career and would settle for anything right now. If only everyone could love their job and be respected and treated humanely for what they do.
Professionalism and camaraderie are sadly lacking these days.
However, it's out of my hands until God gives me the power to do something about it. I think I could smite, but it's a nasty way to lose your soul.
But back to the pool: I felt so good in the water, which was lovely and cool so I didn't have to feel sweaty, even though I was sweating. If I lived on a nice Muskoka lake, I do believe I'd eventually develop webbed feet -- and then watch me go!
In other news, Andy's off with his brother to take his dad to dinner and a movie, and Nat's bound to come up from the depths of the basement soon to ask what's for dinner, so I'd better have an answer. She started the in-room instruction part of her driving lessons today. Three more all-day sessions to go (on Saturdays) and then the actual driving lessons start. After that, it's the test for her G2. And then the van schedule will really get interesting!
I could just write away happily here, but I will give us all a break and stop right now. Enjoy your day tomorrow and go hear Alan to start it off in a heavenly way. God bless all of us until we meet again in cyberspace. xo

Yes, there I was, all 288 pounds of me (hurray, down three more after 16 weeks for a total of 59), eagerly breaststroking my way to 20 lengths, which is 0.5 km. I used to do almost 2.5k in two hours in my heyday, but "heyer days" are coming.
I felt fine after 15 lengths and thought, "I can do more than 20." But on the 20th, my left knee ached a bit and so I prudently chose to do a cooldown and then spent as much time in the pool shower as I did in the pool itself. The handicapped space is awkward to work in, and I couldn't keep from getting everything wet. Unfortunately, the curtain comes just below the knees, so I am sure I often sprayed people as they were passing.
I take a quarter of the time showering at home, but of course I can find ledges and hooks and not have to deal with a walker and shoes and clothes and an unwieldy wet bathing suit to rinse.
I will try to swim tomorrow if we don't have someone here to look at the bed. We are going to lose money on it -- we started at $2,500 (which, many sales people told us, was a steal). However, now the economy is what it is, and we are down to $600, which will leave us with about a thousand to pay after we put $700 on it a while ago.
Plus now we have interest because the time limit is up.
However, we do have some tax money coming, so that debt will go once Ottawa finally does our assessments. My silver lining!
I must thank Lis profusely for her gift of a swim pass for the year. It definitely will be used as much as possible! And I owe Dorothy a great deal for getting my muscles into shape. I would have caved at 10 lengths or fewer if she hadn't begun to shape and tone my body and strengthen me and make me more flexible.
What a team! (I am pausing here for a standing ovation!)
My fill, BTW, went well. Another half cc was added, and I didn't notice too much change. I can still feel hungry, so I will need at least another, to be scheduled for a Saturday later this month.
At least the KMS lab in Mississauga is only 10 minutes away.
And now, I must sign off because I have not had lunch and my stomach has pratically jumped out of my throat to wave a sign at my face. Not to mention that I'm feeling a little drained and need some sustenance.
So, hello tuna and tomatoes, and some fruit. The dogs are already in place to try to stick their tongues in the bowl. They are faster than I am, not that I've tried to steal kibble from their bowls.
Have a blessed weekend, my angels.

Well, it's been an odd 24 hours. I haven't moved beyond 291 and am trying not to feel like a failure. Instead, I am trusting that inches are coming off and my new heavy muscles are playing a role.
Also, I tried some peanut M&Ms earlier in the week to try to get my bowels out of their sluggish mood -- it worked -- but it was a waste of calories.
However, live and learn. I also had Andy cook me some baby shrimp for dinner last night, and they just wouldn't go past the band to digest. I started salivating in a big way, tried some water to see if I could get the few I'd eaten to slip through, but nada. Up it all came from my little pouch, and my stomach was a bit sore.
Scallops are okay, but not shrimp. I was going for variety in my seafood, but that will come elsewhere.
So, today, it's fluids to give my stomach a break. Tomorrow at 11 a.m. I have my next fill, and I'll be on full fluids again for a day to let my stomach recover from any bruising as the band tightens, so I thought, "may as well start a day early."
It won't hurt and it may be just what I need to slow things down a bit and stop feeling guilty.
When I have nothing to report, I feel guilty for me and for you. And maybe that's enough weight to lose -- the mental anguish I put myself through for so many things.
Dorothy has been putting me through my paces and I think I'm about ready for the pool. I just need a bit more cash for my yearly pass, but I've found a size 32 bathing suit that fits snugly and isn't as badly stretched as the last one I wore.
The skirt on it is down almost to my ankles, and the so-called cups have turned into dinner plates -- flat as pancakes, too. It's a bit like having Frisbees on my chest, but without the lip. Let's just say that doesn't rein in the girls at all. I might just as well go topless, but then I'd bonk myself in the head because they'd float up in front of me like rocket thrusters.
I will write again tomorrow after my fill just to let you know how much was added and how the stomach feels.
Be good to yourselves and do some deep breathing to counter all the stress everyone's feeling these days. And, as Red Skelton used to say, "God bless."

Well, my beloved angels, I'm down three more pounds, a total of 56, to 291. I'm setting my targets low -- in groups of 10. Today is the end of Week 14, two pre-op weeks and 12 post-op.
I'm glad you are out there, dearest angels, because you are the only feedback I get.
When no one notices or bothers to say something nice, it hurts. It's not as if I want to be the centre of the universe, but I do appreciate a pat on the back. So far, though, it's been only my readers.
My psychiatrist once told me that losing weight often causes upheavals in some relationships because there's a shift in power. There are people who don't want you to change, because they have you firmly in a mental niche where they can feel sorry for you, and/or superior to you, in terms of appearance and in terms of self-control.
Others will try to sabotage you, especially if you do not have a tool such as the band, where you are automatically unable to binge. I have experienced this a few times in the past, where people have coaxed me to eat something that would trigger me to end my weight loss journey and go back to old habits.
Others will start using terms such as "normal people's clothes." In other words, you were abnormal before, tainted somehow. One therapist told me that it's a way of putting you down because the person can no longer get to you through your weight.
Others become watchers, and comment on the appropriateness of what you are eating. "Should you be eating that, now that you've lost all that weight?" or "You don't want to get fat again, so make sure you watch what you eat and keep away from x, y and z because you know you'll just put the weight back on again."
They want to control and keep you in your place. I've also heard, "After all that work, you don't want to spoil it and eat that."
In other words, you can never indulge in anything that's fun to eat ever again. And that's not true. You can eat anything, just in moderation or on a special occasion. One mouthful of cake at a party is not going to put 200 pounds back on, though it can be a slippery slope if you have an eating disorder. But they assume they know what's best for you, even if they don't believe binge eating is a disease; it's just being a slothful pig. And if they don't voice it publicly, you'll often see them frowning at you when you eat something they disapprove of.
I won't tolerate that kind of behaviour any more. I am doing all this for me, and I have a support group at the clinic and other bandsters who know exactly what is what. And I have my angels, who bear me up on their wings. And you really do.
Quite often, family/relatives are the ones who feel most compelled to comment in what is a negative way, and because you expect love from them, they are able to hurt you the most. One once told a large group of people at a multi-family event, as dessert was being served, that "of course, Debbie and so-and-so (I'm protecting the other person's name) won't have any." BAM. A shot to the heart. I felt terribly humiliated and I know the other person did, too.
As a result, I went home and ate an entire cake, thinking that "I'll show that person." Of course, it hurt only me and that person never knew my reaction. That humiliation still rankles, more now because I didn't defend myself or call that person out on their rudeness. Instead, I slunk off to another room and avoided interacting with anyone for the rest of the evening.
I have shared this particular experience with others at eating-disorder group discussions, and it so horrified the other binge eater in the group that she couldn't get over it and mentioned it to me several times in our therapy sessions. She said she could not conceive of such cruelty.
Unfortunately, some people's affections are tied up in another's weight issues, and when changes happen, they are unable to cope with the new reality.
This time, though it hurts as badly, I will write in my journal about it, or I will confront the person. So far, it hasn't been severe enough for confrontation. It has been reported back to me that a few people feel I'm "cheating" by using the band and that I don't have enough willpower to do it alone. I do have willpower, but I have a disease, too. No one tells a recovering alcoholic that they cheated by going to AA.
So, if you see me and notice a difference, please tell me. I like to hear from other people that they care enough to comment. It gives me a boost in morale. And heaven knows we all could do with more of that!
Have a wonderful weekend, angels, and we'll talk again soon.

My sweet baby boy, born 23 years and three days ago, received his honours co-op computer science degree yesterday, watched by his proud parents and a delighted set of grandparents.
My dad said it was one of the best experiences of his life, and he was just thrilled with it all. I didn't get to my convocation because I was in Sudbury covering a provincial track meet for the Globe at the time, and I'm not sure if my second sister, who also got a degree, went to her convocation.
So this was Dad's first, I think. He and my mom gave Chris a gorgeous Wittenauer watch, and his godmother, sister No. 4, who had to work, gave him a set of commemorative coins that featured the Leafs. I covet that set; I freely admit it. And I'm not sure I repent, either.
If it were a choice between a Leaf game or an Argo match, Chris would go for the Argos. I, on the other hand, always take the Leafs. I would flick over to the Argos only during commercials or during any appearance by Don Cherry. Of course, with no Leaf game on, I'd be glued to the Argos, too. So, No. 4, you see why you really meant me to have it.
Chris enjoyed himself, too, and that's the main thing for me. He was very solemn during the whole thing but couldn't stop grinning afterward. As soon as we can, I'll post a pic or two.
After the ceremony, Chris was invited by his Ridge pal and university classmate/housemate Chris S. to his cottage for three days. Another Ridge friend/classmate/housemate was also going, along with Chris S.'s dad and uncle. I believe it will be a weekend of beer, beef, bacon and belching. And then there's the freedom to scratch anywhere at will. They'll come back as happy as dogs who have found a dead bird to roll on. And after all their hard work, they deserve to relax and have fun. Who knows where their eventual jobs will take them? Their other Ridge pal/classmate/housemate is doing something much more scary. He has always wanted to join the army, and is signing up out west this summer for basic training. His degree gives him something to fall back on if he needs it, but he's trained himself to a maximum fitness level and wants to serve our country. The scary part is that he very well could wind up in Afghanistan. I send many prayers his way.
My legs are really stiff today after all the standing yesterday and sitting for long periods on a chair where my feet didn't completely touch the floor, plus having to push my walker along cobblestones. Those are very hard for wheelchairs, walkers and people using canes. Nice looking, but very impractical.
I'd like to rip up our cobblestones and replace them with concrete, but I shudder to think of the cost. It goes on my "someday my millions will come" list.
So, because the legs are sore, I'm putting off my exercise routine till tomorrow. I want to do the full-body workout and not break it up into sections on different days, so I should be all right in the a.m.
I wish we could stream Morar live online so I could have something inspirational to ponder while I work my muscles. But I think that's costly to do. Still, it would be nice to be there at the same time everyone else is, even if it's only through cyberspace.
I hope you are having a stress-free weekend and enjoying whatever you do for relaxation. I am going to miss hockey now till September, but I'll be getting more sleep, I hope, except when there's an Argo game in Alberta or Vancouver. Meanwhile, let's pray I keep losing weight at a steady pace, with no plateaus. I'm sending you all hugs, along with my eternal thanks.